Sample Essay Introductions
1. Morality is a system of rules of conduct. These rules are constructed by maxims that prescribe the behaviour of the agent in particular circumstances. Whether the people follow these prescribed rules (depends) upon their own conscience. For this particular question, Durkheim and Mead each have contributed a theory to explain the internalisation of social control.
Now let's have a brief understanding of their theories. Durkheim's theory..... ( Mead makes his first appearance 57 lines later)
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2. Durkheim and Mead are two famous sociologists. They have their own theories on the topic of internalisation of social control. Their theories are different from each other. It is worthwhile to have a look on the comparison of their theories of the internalisation of social control.
Internalisation is the basis of social control, involving.....(Durkheim makes his appearance in para. 5, Mead in para. 10)
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3. To start with, we should first explain the meaning of the term "social control".
Social control is the means through which a group or society secures its members' conformity to its expectation. Although the concept of social control has never been defined to the full satisfaction of sociologists, its images have been popularised either in a kind of positivistic empiricism or teleological induction. Social control can be attained through various media like socialisation and coercion. In this thesis we shall discuss the theories of Durkheim and Mead (for) the implication of internalisation of social control.
Durkheim in his essay.....
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4. Both Durkheim and Mead have discussed the theory of the internalisation of social control. Though the elaboration of their own theories is different, we can see that there are some similarities in their ideas.
Durkheim has stressed the importance of both desirability and obligation of moral acts. According to Durkheim, all ..... etc.
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Commentary on ‘Evaluating Sample Essay Introductions’
The main problem with all of these is redundancy - a lot of what is written could (should!) have been omitted. The writers did not revise their introductions to reflect the thinking that went into the essay. This is a major advantage of the word processor - you can write your Introduction last!

1. Morality is a system of rules of conduct ... etc.
This is one of the best, but the writer fails to address any differences - which is of course the point of the essay. The point " each … contributed a theory" is redundant - it’s given in the title.

 
2. Durkheim and Mead are two famous sociologists ... etc.
This essay starts with information that is redundant at this level & in this context ["Durkheim and Mead are two famous sociologists"]. In fact, the whole introductory paragraph is redundant, except for the news that they differ - but then that’s implied, & we’re not given any clue here as to how they differ. This woolly introduction shows the value of writing a first draft, of doing it on Word Processor, and of revising the introduction last.

 
3. To start with, we should first explain the meaning of the term "social control"....etc
Like 2., no background contextualisation. Should the starting point be ‘social control’ or its ‘internalisation’, with specific reference to Durkheim & Mead. The reader is left feeling a lack of direct engagement with the question. Avoid this kind of heavy jargon [‘positivistic empiricism or teleological induction’]. There is a rather sudden jump to ‘internalisation’ in the last line of the paragraph, as if to say: ‘that's what I've been talking about’ - which s/he hasn’t been!.

 
4. Both Durkheim and Mead have discussed the theory of the internalisation of social control...etc.
Like 3. above, the opening paragraph is almost entirely redundant, constituting knowledge that is already assumed in the question instruction ("Compare …"); we need to be given some clue as to how they differ [Given that they were different, it would seem strange to emphasise the similarities between their views].